George and Fanny's Big Trip (Spilsbury 1842-1850)

[This began as a letter to Grandchildern]

Note to Grandkids: 

Some important things to know before you start to read the stories

These stories are about some of your ancestors. Except for Grandma Hyer they are all about people who died many years before you were born. You don’t know any of them, but they know you.

Like many of your other ancestors, these people all have received a special promise from Heavenly Father. That promise is that they will “have joy in their posterity. “ Those are words Heavenly Father uses to say that their children, their children’s children, their children’s children’s children and their children’s children’s children’s children and so on for many generations will make them happy.  That “posterity” that makes them so happy includes you. They may be in heaven, but they know you and they’re cheering for you here on earth.  So I thought you might want to know something about some of them.

George and Fanny’s big trip

We’ll start with George and Fanny Spilsbury. George and Fanny Spilsbury are the great grandparents of Grandma Hyer. Their son, Alma Platte Spilsbury is father of Grandma Hyer’s mother. (Sometime I’ll draw you a chart to help you see how you are connected to them.)

This is a picture of George and Fanny, but Fanny’s picture taken many years later when she was older than in this story.

This story starts on September 5, 1842 in England when George Spilsbury and Fanny Smith were married. How they came to hear the Gospel, be baptized and join the church and how they came to know each other and get married are very interesting stories, but they will have to wait for another time. For this story, we’ll start with them recently married, living in England and working hard to earn money so they can go to the United States to join other church members, who they called the “Saints,” in Nauvoo, Illinois.

Life in England at that time was very different than life today. Around the same time that George and Fanny were living in England Charles Dickens, a famous author, was writing stories, such as Scrooge and Oliver Twist, about life in London, England. You can tell from those stories that life in England could be very hard, and there were some very good people and some very bad people and a lot of people in between. George and Fanny were among the very good people, but like many they were poor.

Fanny came from a fairly wealthy family, but her father did not want her to be baptized and join the Church and made her leave their house after she was baptized. He would not help them. George’s family did not want him to join the Church either, but they were too poor to help them much anyway. So George and Fanny, a young newly married couple (Fanny was about 19 and George about 20), ridiculed and deserted by their family and friends for joining the Church, were on their own in Dickens’ England of the 1840s.

George was a skilled mason and bricklayer and by working hard was able to save enough money to buy them a ticket on a ship sailing for America. They joined a group of Saints going to America on a ship named the “Yorkshire.” They traveled to Liverpool (by the way, you may want to have a map handy to follow where they go) on the west coast of England to board the ship. Liverpool was a very busy port in those days. Here is a picture of what the Liverpool docks probably looked like when George and Fanny boarded the Yorkshire. You’ll see they had to take small rowboats out to the ship and then climb up the sides to get on board. The ships look very different without all their sails. On September 8, 1842 George and Fanny set sail from Liverpool on the Yorkshire for the United States.

This is a picture of the ship Yorkshire. Although the name Yorkshire is an English name, the ship was actually built in America and was very fast for this type of ship.  Many Saints came to America on old, slow, leaky and sometimes dangerous ships, but George and Fanny were on a good, fast ship. Its destination was New Orleans on the Mississippi River.

The painting of the Yorkshire is realistic. The Atlantic ocean can have big waves that cause the ship to toss and turn. While they usually don’t tip over, it easy to see how it could be scary at times (and also make you sea sick) and you had to be very careful not to slide overboard.

On these sailing ships the cargo was put in the bottom, called the “hold,” and the captain and officers stayed in cabins on the main deck on top. George and Fanny would have stayed with the other passengers in an area in between called the “’tween decks” just below the main deck and above the cargo holds. This is a picture of what the ‘tween decks on their ship likely looked like. You’ll see that it is very crowded. There were around 150 passengers or so on their ship.  In storms everyone had to stay in this area because it would be too dangerous to be on deck. Think of what it would be like if very many of those people got sea sick at the same time in that crowded area while the ship was rocking and bouncing around in the waves.

Fanny and George, however, were lucky to be on a ship with other church members. The Mormon groups on these ships were organized to take care of each other (most other passenger groups were not that way) and had regular prayers and church services. They also were careful to keep their areas clean and neat. Because of that not as many of them got sick on voyages as did other passenger groups. This is a picture of the Saints having church services on the ‘tween deck.

Fanny and George liked to sleep out under the sky on the top of the main deck, probably because it was hot and stuffy below deck. One night when the ship was in the Gulf of Mexico and they were sleeping on deck there was a tornado at around 2 in the morning with winds so strong that they blew over the main mast  (imagine what the waves must have been like) bringing down the sails and rigging (ropes) as well. They had been sleeping near that mast and it just barely missed them. They were able to cling on to the ship and stay on board while the waves washed over the deck. Despite the storm and the broken mast the ship was able to make its way to New Orleans and the Mississippi River landing on May 10, 1843.

Upon arrival the ship’s captain has to show the port authorities a ship’s “manifest” listing all the passengers on board. This is a copy of part of the manifest that the captain gave to the New Orleans port. You’ll see the names of George and Fanny Spilsbury (written in cursive, so it may be hard for you to read), and you’ll see that George is 20 and Fanny is 19 years old and that George is listed as a bricklayer. (hint: they are the first two entries 14 and 15)

While they were happy to be off the ship and in America, New Orleans is a long way from Nauvoo and they had no money to buy a ticket on a riverboat up the Mississippi River. George said this was a very sad time for them, especially for Fanny. They were destitute. They were in a strange land and had no money or possessions other than the clothes they were wearing. Fortunately George found another man, Thomas Bullock, who was also going to Nauvoo and who could loan them enough money for a ticket on a riverboat. To show that he was sincere and would pay back the loan, George told Brother Bullock he could have his shirt if he didn’t pay him back, since George didn’t have anything else to offer. Brother Bullock loaned them the money and George was later able to pay him back (and keep his shirt).

This is a picture of the type of boat George and Fanny would have taken up the Mississippi River, past St. Louis, and all the way to Nauvoo, Illinois.

They arrived in Nauvoo on May 31, 1843, and on that same day George and Fanny first met and talked with the Prophet Joseph Smith. On their first Sunday in Nauvoo they went to a meeting, arriving early to get good seats, and for the first time saw and heard the Prophet Joseph Smith preach.  Years later George would still talk of this experience of meeting the Prophet and listening to him teach the gospel. In George’s words, “all my troubles and privations of leaving my father and mother, brothers and sisters and my native land seemed nothing compared to the joy of my experience when I first saw and heard him, the Prophet Joseph Smith, preach.”

At that time church members didn’t meet in a church building, but sat on benches outside and listened to the church leaders. This is a picture of a place in Nauvoo where George and Fanny may have listened to the Prophet Joseph and others speak.

This is a painting of the Prophet Joseph teaching church members in Nauvoo. George and Fanny would have been like some of those young couples in the painting sitting on the benches listening to the Prophet.

This is a picture of some buildings in Nauvoo. You’ll see that they are made of brick. A lot of other buildings and homes, such as Brigham Young’s house, were also made of brick. So George, as a skilled bricklayer, was soon able to find work. Fanny sewed things (and she may have been pretty good at it, since her father was a tailor).

Since he was an experienced mason, George also worked on building the temple in Nauvoo. Here is a drawing of men like George building the temple. 

George and Fanny saw this temple completed and received their endowments in the temple from Brigham Young on January 18, 1846. George and Fanny also received patriarchal blessings from Hyrum Smith, the Prophet Joseph’s brother. Mary Fielding Smith, Hyrum’s wife and the mother of Joseph F. Smith, was the scribe. 

While living in Nauvoo two baby girls were born to George and Fanny. Sadly, both died. Matilda was born on August 31, 1844, but died a month later on September 24, 1844.  Frances Selina was born on July 10, 1846, but died two weeks later on July 25, 1846. This was a very sad time for George and Fanny.

George and Fanny were in Nauvoo when the prophet was martyred in the Carthage jail and during the persecution that followed. 

In 1846 most of the Saints began leaving Nauvoo to start the first part of the long journey west to the Salt Lake Valley in Utah. George and Fanny did not have enough money to buy a wagon, oxen, food and the other things you need to travel west. So instead they went to St Louis where George was able to find work as a bricklayer.

This is a picture of St. Louis around that time. You can see that it was a big and busy city for boats on the Mississippi River

While they were living in St. Louis, a daughter, Clarinda, was born on September 10, 1847. In the late 1840s a cholera epidemic struck St. Louis. George was fine, but Fanny became very sick and nearly died, but she survived. Their little and nearly two year old daughter Clarinda, however, did not and died of cholera on August 9, 1849. Another daughter, Sarah died at birth (still born) on August 3, 1849. This was another very sad time for George and Fanny. Fanny had given birth to four babies, and they all had died.

By 1850 George had made enough money to buy a wagon, oxen and all the other things you need for the wagon trip west to the Salt Lake Valley. They joined other saints in Bishop Edward Hunter’s Company and left St. Joseph, Missouri, a town just west of St. Louis, for the Salt Lake Valley on July 3, 1850. While out on the prairie Fanny gave birth on August 5, 1850 to a healthy baby boy. This was a very happy moment for George and Fanny.

Here is a picture of what their wagon may have looked liked, but there are two things wrong with this picture, if it were of George and Fanny. Fanny would have been sitting in the wagon alone holding a baby. Her other children had died and so there would not have been a little boy also sitting on wagon. In the picture a man on a horse is riding along side the wagon. George did not ride a horse on the trip, but like most pioneers walked along side the wagon and the oxen.  (Usually oxen don’t walk very fast, about the same speed that we walk.) Their wagon would have been pulled by a team of oxen just like the wagon in the picture. George and Fanny also had some cows and other oxen following along just like in the picture.

For part of the trail the wagon train traveled along the Platte River. Here’s a picture of a pioneer wagon train like George and Fanny’s traveling along the Platte River.

After the baby’s birth they traveled for several days away from the Platte River and without water.  They and their oxen were very thirsty because it was hot and they had had no water for several days. The trail then took them back near the river.  Fanny was riding in the wagon holding the baby with George walking along side. The oxen pulling the wagon, being very thirsty and smelling the water, suddenly took off running down the riverbank to the river.  The oxen stopped at the river to drink, but the wagon did not, tumbling into the river with Fanny and the baby, who was only eight days old. 

George and the other men jumped in and pulled Fanny from underneath the overturned wagon, but the baby was not in her arms.  With Fanny crying “Save my baby, save my baby!” the men jumped back in the river searching for the baby but couldn’t find him. 

Edward Hunter, who was the leader of the wagon train, was walking up and down the bank looking for the baby when he saw something red caught against a log in the river.  It was the baby wrapped in a red blanket.  Shouting, “There he is! There he is!” Hunter waded out and grabbed the baby.  As he carried the baby out of the river, he quietly announced to those waiting on the bank “His heart is still beating.”  So they decided to give the baby a priesthood blessing. Before giving the blessing they realized the baby had never been given a name. Pioneers gave babies a name and blessing just like we do now in church, but they also did it out on the plains. So along with a blessing for health they took the opportunity to bless the baby with a name, Alma, after George’s favorite Book of Mormon prophet, Platte, after the river that nearly did him in, and of course Spilsbury. That is how my great grandfather got his name Alma Platte Spilsbury. They held him up by his feet and water drained out of his lungs and he was fine. Alma Platte will go on to live a long and full live with lots of stories we’ll get to at another time.

This is a picture of Alma Platte Spilsbury, many years later when he was all grown up.

The pioneers pulled their wagons into a circle for their camps at night. Here’s a painting of some pioneers like George and Fanny camping. I think that night, after the rescue in the Platte River, George and Fanny prayed and thanked the Lord for saving Fanny and the little 8 day old baby Alma Platte.

One of the hardest parts of the journey to Salt Lake was the last few miles, because the wagons had to go over the steep Wasatch mountains just east of Salt Lake. These are pictures of pioneer wagons going up and then down the mountains to Salt Lake at a place not very far our house in Park City, Utah, and this is what George and Fanny had to do too. They had to all help push each other’s wagons up the steep parts and then use ropes and mules to hold the wagons going down so they didn’t roll out of control and crash at the bottom.

George and Fanny arrived with their wagon train in the Salt Lake valley on October 3, 1850. This is what Salt Lake looks like now.

But when George and Fanny arrived it looked nothing like that, but more like this.

For the first few years, George and Fanny settled in Salt Lake. We don’t know what their house looked like, but it may have been a small cabin like this one.

It may have been rough and not very nice on the outside and small and crowded on the inside, but I think it was neat and tidy inside and out and just big enough for George, Fanny and baby Alma Platte.

In the Salt Lake Valley the story of George and Fanny and baby Alma Platte is just beginning. George and Fanny and Alma Platte will see wars and peace, missions, more temples and great spiritual blessings and great hardships and disappointments, new settlements in beautiful but harsh frontier country, more births and unfortunately more deaths, but all that is for another time.

This is where our story of George and Fanny’s big trip ends - with Fanny and George and their baby Alma Platte happy in their cozy cabin in the Salt Lake Valley, grateful for the blessing of the restored gospel and, after all their travels from far off England, for finally being there safely in Zion with the Saints.

Grandma goes to school and gets a new name

This is a story about Grandma Hyer - the one that is my mother and your great grandmother.

Grandma Hyer was born in 1923 in Colonia Chuichupa, Chihuahua, Mexico. That is too many long words to say and so Grandma just called it “Chupe” (say “chew pea”). Chupe was a Mormon pioneer settlement in a beautiful high mountain valley. Grandma lived on a small ranch with cattle, horses, chickens, hay fields and gardens and her mom (who I called Grammy) and her dad (who I called Pappy) and her two older brothers (Bobby and Paul) and her two older sisters (Nelle and Jane) and her little brother Rulon and their collie dog named Timmy. Here is a picture of them at their ranch in Chupe.

Starting from the left, their dog Timmy, Bobby, Pappy (holding baby Rulon) Grammy, Nelle, the girl in the middle is Jane and, hard to see, but behind the flower plant is Paul and Grandma is on the right of the flower at the bottom.

If you look at the picture carefully, you will see that their house in the back was a small wooden house. We would think they were very poor (which they were, but they didn’t really know that).  There were no bathrooms in their house - they all used the same “out house”. Living in Chupe was a lot like camping in the mountains, except instead of a tent you slept in a small wooden shack. There were no schools in Chupe.

In Mexico they speak Spanish and many of the people Grandma knew were native Mexicans speaking Spanish. This is a picture of Grandma in Chupe with a close family friend.

Grandma’s full name was Fern Vilate Brown, but in Chupe they called her by her middle name Vilate. In English you pronounce the name as “va late,” but since they were in Spanish speaking Mexico they called her “vio late ah,” which is how you say the name in Spanish.

Chupe was a beautiful place to live, but not a very good place to have a farm or a ranch, and there were no schools. So Grammy and Pappy decided to move to El Paso, Texas, so Grandma and her brothers and sisters could go school in the United States. This story is about Grandma’s first day at school.

It is hard to see Grandma, but this is a picture of Grandma and her older brother Paul waiting to go to school in the family’s car. I think it is their collie dog Timmy on the left, then her little brother Rulon, then Grandma, her oldest brother Bobby and her older brother Paul. From looking at the car you can see this was a look time ago.

Grandma had never been to a real school before and did not know anything about American schools. Living in Chupe as a little girl Grandma learned to speak a mixture of English and Spanish. While her family and people in Chupe could understand her, Grandma really didn’t know how to speak Spanish or English very well.

On her first day in school in El Paso her teacher asked her to come to the front of the classroom and tell the class something about herself. The teacher always had new students do this to help the other students get to know the new student. Grandma came to the front of the class and began talking. Grandma doesn’t remember anything she said, but she remembers very clearly what happened. All the class started laughing and making fun of her because she was speaking this mixture of Spanish and English. Grandma was very embarrassed and ashamed, but it got worse.

When recess came, Grandma told the teacher she needed to go the bathroom and the teacher said it was in the hall. Grandma walked out into the hallway and saw her brother Paul and some other boys going into a room and so she just followed them in. Grandma did not know there were separate bathrooms for boys and girls, but she soon found out and some were really rude in telling her. Confused and embarrassed, Grandma just walked away from the school at recess and walked all the way back home determined that she was never going back to the “gringo” school. Gringo is a word Mexicans sometimes use to refer to Americans and usually not in a nice way.

Many years later Grandma wrote about what then happened and she tells it best:

“I just walked on home. I told my Mother I did not want to go to that “Gringo” school. Well, my Mother took me by the hand and walked me back to the school and on the way reminded me that I was an American girl, like those in my class. I was blond, had freckles, and was going to be student there. I told her on the way that they called me Vilate, which was my middle name, but in Mexico Vilate became Veoleta, which I thought was all right. [Grandma really hated the harsh sound of “Vilate”, but thought the Spanish version pronounced ‘Vio late ah” was pretty.] My Mother reminded me that I had another name – Fern. So I went back to school. I was an American, my name was Fern and I was there to stay."

Grandma’s teacher, Miss Coppage, was very nice and stayed after school to help Grandma learn to read better. Grandma was a good student and became about “American” as a girl can be. This is a grade school picture of Grandma



Grandparents never tell stories to Grandchildren without there being a point. In case you missed it, here it is:

Being embarrassed in front of other people or being made fun of by people you hoped would be your friends hurts deeply, but it happens to all of us, not just kids, but grownups too. But when it happens you need to be like Grandma – remember who are, have courage, keep trying and don’t give up. Listen to your parents and other good people trying to help you. Usually there are good people, like Grandma’s teacher Miss Coppage, who will help you. You may be very sad for a while, but you can get over it and maybe many years later it will turn out to be a funny story.

The other point is to remember not to be mean or make fun of other people, especially those who are new, a little different or without lots of friends, and if others do, that’s when you should be the friend they may really need. This is what Jesus would want you to do.

Grandpa Mike goes to BYU

Notes for talk on Obedience (May 26, 2013)

[These are my notes for a Sacrament Meeting talk I gave today. I was assigned the topic of obedience. I include it as a post because it includes a story about me and BYU, and I’ve realized that in focusing on ancestor stories I’ve never said much about my own. This isn’t what I actually said in the talk. My habit in preparing talks is to first write out everything that comes to mind – more stream of consciousness - and then edit it down to the appropriate length and edit out what may not be appropriate or relevant to the topic. Also, I usually don’t actually read the talk, but writing it all out first helps me think through the topic and how to say it and  then I don’t stumble around so much for words (I’m not naturally glib or articulate). Since this post is not time or subject matter constrained, I’ve posted the full unedited set of notes. Most did not survive editing and not all of what was left was actually used in the talk. I also added some old photos.]

Before I get into my talk I want to tell a little personal story about an insignificant event. Sometimes looking what is insignificant in one context is helpful in learning principles that may apply in another context of great significance.  

This story happened a long, long time ago in a land far, far away – the BYU campus in Provo, Utah in the 1970s. Actually, the story starts before then. My mother grew up in El Paso, Texas and after WWII she and a friend decided to leave El Paso for somewhere else. Being a little contrarian, she did not want to go to BYU at Provo because that’s where all the Mormon girls went just to find a husband. Instead she and her friend went to Utah State in Logan, Utah, where she met and married my father.   

After high school I received modest scholarships to both Utah State and BYU. Being an heir to mother’s attitudes towards BYU, I went to Utah State, largely because all my LDS friends were going to BYU and at that age being different was important.

[A freshman at Utah State University]

My time at Utah State did not improve my view of BYU. I remember one weekend in particular that I spent visiting some old Nampa high school friends then attending BYU. The plan was to go a school dance on Friday night and skiing at Alta the following Saturday.  For the dance I brought along some nice looking, almost new levis, ironed with a crease in the middle – which was rather stylish at the time. For skiing I had some old brown corduroy pants that fit well over my ski boots, but were ragged on the inside of the legs from the boots and metal edges on the skis.  Some bleach had also accidently been spilled on one of the legs, leaving it with a sort of unintended, but rather trendy, tie dyed look.  Well, BYU wouldn’t let me into the dance with the nice looking jeans (strict dress code rule against denims). So I changed into the ragged, tie dyed old brown corduroys and was let in without objection - only at BYU.

 

[Entering the mission home in Salt Lake - this is before the MTC]

[Returning home 2 years later - Grandma and Janell]

After a mission I had no real friends at Utah State – two years is long time in that respect – and no desire to return to the dorm environment there. I was sort of drawn to BYU by default. Somewhat to my surprise I found myself thoroughly enjoying the school, my roommates, the student ward, the social life and activities and especially the academic environment. I even enjoyed being there and complaining about all its rules.

The 70s was a time great social change with a lot of student unrest on college campuses, challenging any limits on personal liberties and expression, and a general distrust of established old institutions (especially those run by a bunch of old guys). BYU being BYU and BYU students being BYU students, this all largely passed over BYU.

But the 70s was also a time when long hair and lots of facial hair was very fashionable for young men, but a fashion at odds with the grooming section of the BYU dress code.  This, however, did become a matter of some controversy on campus with some students advocating for some changes. In general I sided with those who thought the standard was rather arbitrary and petty, having no real connection with moral behavior or educational environment,  and should be updated. Also, why it may be hard to visualize this now, my personal grooming then was, shall we say, a little more fashionable than code compliant. But no one really objected to my hair and so whole thing wasn’t of much concern to me.

One day, however, I received a letter from the standards office informing me that they had received a report that I was in violation of the honor code and that I was to contact that office to schedule an appointment, as failure to comply with the code could result in my inability to attend the university. Well I had a good idea what had happened.

A week or so before I had checked something out at the Wilkinson Center (the BYU student union) and the clerk – a rude, beady eyed Gestapo wannabe like character with real, real short hair and an attitude – looked at me, at my hair and at my student ID way, way too long for normal circumstances and seemed to be making notes too. Just so you know, there was a procedure for students, faculty and others to anonymously report students suspected of code violations.  So the creep in the Wilkinson Center, on some sort of private mission to rid the school of dress code deviants, had ratted me out.

Let’s pause the story right there. To be clear this talk is not about BYU and lot can go wrong in comparing BYU grooming standards to Lord’s commandments or BYU to the kingdom of God – but nonetheless I think about this experience from time to time.

In a conference address last April Elder L. Tom Perry spoke about obedience in a talk titled “Obedience to Law Is Liberty”

Elder Perry taught “Each choice you and I make is a test of our agency—whether we choose to be obedient or disobedient to the commandments of God is actually a choice between “liberty and eternal life” and “captivity and death.” He goes on to say that

“There are moral absolutes. Disobedience to the Lord’s commandments will always deprive us of His blessings. These things do not change.

In a world where the moral compass of society is faltering, the restored gospel of Jesus Chrits never wavers, nor should its stakes and wards, its families, or its individual members. We must not pick and choose which commandments we think are important to keep but acknowledge all of God’s commandments.”

Note the teaching that we must not pick and choose which commandments to obey. We need to obey them all.

There are many reasons why we don’t keep commandments and lots of attitudes and actions that can lead us to disobedience.  I’d like to mention just a few that I think active members, like you and me, may need to watch out for.

First, small things matter. In other contexts in life we are taught not to sweat the small things in order to stay focused on the important things. But as to the Lord’s law of obedience, small acts of disobedience matter.  Ignoring what we may think as insignificant does not help us stay focused on the more important commandments. On the contrary, as we begin to be comfortable in rationalizing away minor acts of disobedience we begin to distance ourselves from the Lord and his Spirit – it is the slippery slope – and as Nephi teaches this is how the devil cheats our souls and leads us away carefully down to hell.

The prophets are clear that we must obey all the commandments. But we have so many programs in the church and sometimes so many things seem to be required of us. We walk around guilt ridden about what we haven’t done and this is in a gospel that promises peace. I have no solution for this dilemma, but offer an observation. Think about the questions we’re asked in a baptism or temple recommend interview – those in a way are basic “gating” questions.  We should be especially careful in obeying those commandments and in avoiding even small, seemingly insignificant, violations of them, as disobedience of those commandments carries the greatest risk.

Second, God works through people and organizations. It is usually some other person that calls us to repentance and teaches us obedience – such as a parent, a church leader or just a good friend. However, calls to repentance are not always well received. Ancient Israel had a bad habit of stoning prophets who did so. While we don’t usually stone our teachers and leaders these days, sometimes we still can get defensive when told of our disobedience and look for faults and short comings in the messenger to justify our rejection of the message and our continued disobedience.

Here is a little irony, we treasure the teachings of old prophets about whom we know very little, but reject the teachings of those who the Lord has put right in front of our face to help us, because we know them too well. It is sort of the prophet without honor in his own country problem.

This has always been the case. President Lorenzo Snow had this to say about the Prophet Joseph Smith who we revere and who was chosen by the Lord to open this dispensation of the fullness of times:

“I saw Joseph Smith the Prophet do things which I did not approve of; and yet I thanked God that He would put upon a man who had these imperfections the power and authority which He had placed upon him for I knew I myself had weaknesses and I thought there was a chance for me,  - - knowing his weaknesses did not impair Joseph in my estimation. I thanked God I saw these imperfections.”

Brigham Young, who loved and followed Joseph Smith with unmatched constancy, also admitted that sometimes the prophet was not always right in his management of affairs. Brigham said, “Though I admitted in my feelings and knew that Joseph was a human being and subject to err, still it was none of my business to look at his faults. He was called of God, God dictated to him and if He had a mind to leave him to himself and let him commit an error, that was no business of mine. Though he had his weaknesses, he was all that any people could require a true prophet to be.”

The Lord has surrounded each of us with imperfect people, but among them are the ones the Lord has sent to help us obey and, looking past their imperfections, to paraphrase Brigham Young, they are all we could require the Lord’s servants to be.

Presidents Snow and Young were able to separate Joseph the prophet and the truths the Lord revealed through his prophet Joseph from the Joseph the human with faults and who made mistakes. It is hard to be told to repent, but let’s not look to the faults of the messenger to justify our rejection of the message.

Also, we all have feelings that are more fragile and egos that require more nourishing than we like to admit, and we can easily be offended especially by those we think should have known better.

Maybe our service was not adequately recognized, or some one said something political that we thought was wrong or inappropriate. Maybe someone may have engaged in some gossip about us, or worse, about someone we love (our kids). There are so many ways and opportunities for us to be offended that I’m often surprised at how well we really get along.  But we know what can happen. The offense creates resentment and bitterness that we then use to justify rejection of the Lord’s commandments and to back away from the church and the blessings of its teachings. The weaknesses of others around us do not excuse our disobedience and our focus on them can cause us to lose what is important to us.

 

There is an old saying about resentment being a poison you take and then hope someone else dies.

Let me go back to my little story and the little creep at the Wilkinson center who ratted me out. The fact is he probably really wasn’t such a creep and we clearly had one important thing in common. He liked BYU as much as me and, while I would have perhaps handled it differently, he was only trying to do what he thought was best – nothing wrong in that. The problem was not with him. The problem was, as everyone could clearly see, my hair. I looked in the mirror. It wasn’t even borderline; it was too long.  

For very good reasons we are taught to be humble and submissive to the counsel we receive from the Lord’s servants and to be forgiving and long suffering of others and slow to take offense.

There is a flip side to this. I mentioned how we are surrounded by people the Lord has put in place to help us with obedience. How are we to go about doing that? Since your are among those who are to call me to repentance and teach me to obey the Lord’s commandments, I’m personally not entirely disinterested in how you do that.

Fortunately, the Lord has provided wise counsel to guide us in teaching obedience.  We are familiar with the verses in Doctrine & Covenants 121 where the Lord speaks of persuasion, long suffering, by gentleness, meekness and love unfeigned. While speaking specifically of the use of Priesthood authority, those are also the qualities we need when teaching obedience.

When we teach obedience to those we love with those qualities our message will be more effective, we will help create an opportunity for the Spirit to confirm the teaching and I think much unnecessary offense and hurt feelings can be avoided

Often the reason for the disobedience is different and subtler than what appears. Again going back to my little story, the truth is that my objection to the grooming standard in fact had little to do with noble principles of individual liberties and freedom from arbitrary and oppressive BYU standards. The real problem? - a shy, very self conscious baby faced young man worried about looking like a high school dork to all the college coeds and thinking that longer hair made him look more mature.  Sounds silly and it really was, but don’t underestimate the power or hold worries and concerns sitting just below the surface can have on you and those you love.

In the April 2008 General Conference, Elder Oaks spoke to a the question of what some may call blind obedience:

  

“Of course, we have leaders, and of course, we are subject to their decisions and directions in the operation of the Church and in the performance of needed priesthood ordinances. But when it comes to learning and knowing the truth of the gospel—our personal testimonies—we each have a direct relationship with God, our Eternal Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, through the powerful witness of the Holy Ghost. This is what our critics fail to understand. It puzzles them that we can be united in following our leaders and yet independent in knowing for ourselves.

"Perhaps the puzzle some feel can be explained by the reality that each of us has two different channels to God. We have a channel of governance through our prophet and other leaders. This channel, which has to do with doctrine, ordinances, and commandments, results in obedience. We also have a channel of personal testimony, which is direct to God. This has to do with His existence, our relationship to Him, and the truth of His restored gospel. This channel results in knowledge. These two channels are mutually reinforcing: knowledge encourages obedience.”

Note the virtuous circle Elder Oaks refers to. Jesus taught that we learn the truth by obeying his commandments. So as we obey our testimony gets stronger and the stronger testimony strengthens our ability to obey.

Sometimes obedience is just really hard. Maybe there is an addiction involved. Maybe we have spouse or family member who is not particularly supportive of our efforts to obey certain commandments and those efforts become the source of arguments and family discord. The Lord has not left us alone and promises to ease our burdens. If we honestly seek the Lord’s guidance with faith, will he not guide and sustain us? 

Now back to my little story. What was I to do with this letter from the standards office? Looking back on those days, I’m actually surprised at how well I intuitively understood the situation. First, BYU was not going to change the standard to accommodate me. It seemed unlikely that BYU would actually expel me for this (although strange thinks can happen at that place). The more likely result was that the issue would escalate; views and positions would become entrenched and hardened. It would become a big deal in my life, consuming time and emotional energy, and I would become increasingly bitter and resentful of BYU over how they were treating me, with the result that I would eventually leave BYU voluntarily (and probably go north to U or U where I could have long hair, still get a good education and hang out with lots of other folks critical of BYU.)  But that was not where I wanted to be or what wanted to become – remember I really liked going to BYU.

I got a haircut, trimmed my moustache and called the standards office.  I fibbed a bit and said there must have been some misunderstanding because I thought my hair was fine and there was no problem with the standard and I asked if we needed to set up some sort of meeting to straighten this out. The man who answered said no, but that he would close the file and thanked me for the call. That was it, no big deal, and it really wasn’t. 

So I stayed at BYU, which I really enjoyed, and ended up staying there for law school as well. In the course of all this I met Evie and even though I looked like a dork and lacked my fashionably long hair, she married me anyway. A nice ending to my story.

Brother and sisters, have faith, be believing, obey the commandments and the Lord will richly bless us.